Gaian Rhapsody
by Do a Barrel Roll
Summary: Bohemian Rhapsody parody. Left in the Lifestream with only his crazy train of thought and a few chopped up pieces of his Mother to keep him company, Sephiroth turns a song into a murder confession as well as a rant against everything stupidly wrong with his life. There's no greater way to expel your woe than by playing air guitar as you sing opera-style!


**Here's another scrap I found lying around in one of my notebooks. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I own neither Final Fantasy nor Bohemian Rhapsody.**

* * *

The Lifestream was, if anything, colder than Sephiroth had been expecting. The former champion of ShinRa couldn't repress a few shudders of weakness as he coiled his arms around his body.

So many thoughts were running rampant in his brain. The inner machinations of Sephiroth's mind are an enigma! So, to release his feelings, Sephiroth sang:

_"Is this the Promised Land?_

_Is this the Lifestream?_

_Stuck in this hell hole_

_With Mother the Calamity_

_Stop all the lies_

_Let's all realize the truuuuuuuuuth!"_

Sephiroth bit his lips and increased the volume of his musical rant.

_"I'm just a monster_

_I lack true empathy_

_'Cause I'm killing fat ShinRa scum_

_Killing girls from the slums_

_Even if they're just bums_

_Doesn't really matter to me_

_To me..."_

His emotions now coming out in the open, Sephiroth began to pace on the teeny, floating boulder he was waiting on. A manic twinkle was in his eye. It was clear to anyone who could see him that Sephiroth was completely insane. There were no boundaries, no walls as far as Sephiroth was concerned, and sadly, one of those walls happened to be the fourth wall.

_"Mother, I stabbed a girl_

_Put my sword right through her chest_

_Got some blood on her cute dress_

_Mother, my stardom has come_

_But now in all these spin-offs I act gay_

_Mother, ooooooooh_

_Didn't mean to chop your head_

_If you're not back together this time tomorrow_

_Then I'm wrong, then I'm wrong_

_The dialogue's all blabber..."_

His pacing slowed just a tad, but now he started to bob his head to an unheard tune, his hair swaying to and fro as he did so.

_"Oh great, this guy are sick_

_Don't get why poor Zack's dead_

_Should've killed Cait Sith instead_

_Goodbye, dear old Mommy, it's time to grow_

_Gotta sprout some wings and fly because the script says so_

_Mother, ooooooooh_

_I just cannot lie_

_Sometimes wish Square never made _Dirge _at all!"_

Sephiroth leaped into the air and, to satisfy his bizarre urge, hovered there as he strummed his fingers on an air guiter. His head bobbing now became full-blown headbanging. After a few moments, he suddenly ceased all this and gazed off into the distance, switching from ballad to opera mode.

_"I see a super sexy bishie of a man_

_SEPHIROTH! SEPHIROTH! Can you wear the bondage gear?!_

_METEOR AND HOLY! How can it be holding ME?!"_

He rapidly switched voices between each sentence.

_"Rude and Reno_

_Rude and Reno _

_Rude and Reno _

_Rude and Reno_

_Figaro - _Wait, when did this become Final Fantasy VI?"

Sephiroth shook his head to clear away this off-topic train of thought, failing to realize he didn't even _have _a coherent train of thought in the first place. Ah, the smell of insanity.

_"I'm just a SOLDIER, yaoi fans love me_

_HE'S JUST A SOLDIER, SINGING LIKE HE'S IN GLEE!_

_Spare him this role in this lame parody!"_

Sephiroth mimed playing the piano and implored some unknown entity,

_"Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?"_

Once more, he shook his head, this time in denial.

_"Jenova, NO! We will not let you go_

_Let me go_

_Jenova, NO! We will not let you go_

_Let me go_

_Jenova, NO! We will not let you go_

_Let me go_

_Nooooooooo_

_Oh, submariner, submariner, submariner, let me go_

_Bugenhagen, why's that Hojo smiling creepily at me_

_At me_

_At ME?!"_

Without warning, Sephiroth once more went back to his headbanging, yelling out, "DA NA NA NA NA NA!" as he actually sang the guitar part of the song.

_"So you think your plain awful ship pairings will fly_

_So you think that the fan art will make me go cry_

_Oh, my life blows, baby_

_Oh, my life blows, baby_

_Just be written out_

_Please get me written out of this!"_

He slowed down his antics and resumed his slow and steady pacing.

_"Nothing really matters_

_Anyone can see_

_Nothing really matters_

_Not even Final Fantasy XIII- _OOF!"

Cloud had chosen that precise moment to execute an Omnislash on the cantering mass murderer.

On the sidelines, a mortified Red XIII whispered to Tifa, "What in the world was Sephiroth even doing?"

Tifa, equally horrified, responded, "I think he was on _that _side of the Internet..."

* * *

**Yeah, don't ask...unless you ask in a review, because I like those. **

**This was a really stupid story.**


End file.
